Different opinion

Today's blog will about a personal experience I had where my values were different from others.  The situation happened this summer when I went to Calgary to see my family. I didn't have that much of news about them before seeing them. So I met one of my cousin, she is my age. We were talking and I saw a ring on her hand. I asked her why she has it, I thought that maybe she was engaged to someone but she told me that she was married to a men since a year. It was an arranged marriage.

 She was telling me that her mother chose the guy and she had to accept this marriage without arguing. I tried to reason her by telling that she can refuse to be with the guy but she said no (looking anxious). The next day, I and my cousins were about to go out but my married cousin said that she could not come. She told me that her husband doesn't let her go out. Again, I felt very upset inside of me but didn't show it physically. I talked to her big sister and she told me that Samira (married cousin) couldn't go out, her husband was calling her twice a day and she would have to be there to answer, her husband told her to stop school and stop working (because he doesn't trust her). And then the subject of abortion can in. My cousin told me that if she would get pregnant by her husband then she would have to keep to baby even if inside of her she doesn't want to. She feels obliged to stay with him so she doesn't dishonor the family.

  I kept telling her that she is being controlled by this men, but no reaction from her. She was saying that her mother's decision is important for her, she has to accept this man and listen to what he says. At this point, our values were completely different. I told her that she has the right to choose, take decisions, and leave him if she wants to. I think that she doesn't consider freedom as of her main values, she doesn't accept and respect herself as a women that has human right, I think that she is unable to develop her own values because others control them. For me it is different because I think that everyone has the right of living without being controlled.

Today, my reactions are the same as that time. I still feel mad knowing that this kind of problems happens in a country where freedom has a lot of importance. In a professional manner, if I would have to deal with a patient having the same type of problem. I might see patients that are not talking about their issues because they are scared of their husband, controlled by them, I would probably keep my feelings with me but I would also try to resonate that person and maybe I would involve a social worker to the situation. Same reaction with a women talking about abortion. If she doesn't want the child but keep him, then maybe there can be neglection so the life of the baby scan be a threat.

Qais Khedri

Nursing Ethics